


Contrary Tookishness

by Jestana



Series: February Ficlet Challenge 2020 [8]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Don't copy to another site, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:08:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22627618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jestana/pseuds/Jestana
Summary: Bilbo Baggins enjoys being contrary, especially to annoy others. Including dwarves who call her agrocer.
Series: February Ficlet Challenge 2020 [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1620979
Kudos: 13
Collections: February Ficlet Challenge 2020





	Contrary Tookishness

**Author's Note:**

> Written for February Ficlet Challenge 2020: Quantum Leap Year, the prompts were 'Genderswap AU' or 'genre savvy'.
> 
> Prequel to my fic [Of Beards and Trousers](https://archiveofourown.org/works/905221), it explains why Bilbo hadn't corrected the dwarves about her gender before then.

As a young hobbit lass, Bilbo Baggins had made a point of playing into her Took heritage, wearing trousers more often than she did dresses. Once, she overheard some hobbit matrons commenting that her lovely, thick, golden-brown hair was the only way anyone could tell that she was a girl instead of a boy. In a fit of contrariness, she went and cut her hair short. Even well after her thirty-third birthday, when the hobbit matrons despaired of her ever settling down, Bilbo kept her hair short and paraded around in her father's old trousers and waistcoats.

She wasn't wearing either trousers or a dress when her doorbell rang the evening after she saw Gandalf again for the first time since she was very young. Instead, she was wearing the patchwork robe her mother, Belladonna, had made for her father, Bungo, from scraps of their clothes that Belladona had collected over the years. Ensuring her robe was firmly closed, Bilbo opened her door to see a dwarf standing on the front stoop. He wasn't just _any_ dwarf, either, but taller than any she'd ever encountered while traveling with her mother. And bald on top, with tattoos inked onto his bare scalp. He bowed to Bilbo, speaking in a deep, gruff voice: "Dwalin, at your service."

"Bilbo Baggins," she replied, tugging at her belt to ensure it was still secure, very aware of her lack of attire. "At yours." As the dwarf stepped past her into Bag End, Bilbo asked, "Do we know each other?"

"No." The dwarf gazed down at her with an unreadable expression for a moment, unclasping his cloak as he looked around. "Which way, Laddie? Is it down here?"

Flustered by the sudden intrusion, Bilbo didn't think to correct the dwarf's misapprehension, instead asking: "Is what down where?"

"Supper." The dwarf tossed his cloak at Bilbo, who caught it more out of reflex. "She said there'd be food. And lots of it."

Bilbo took a few steps after the dwarf as he moved through her home as if he lived there. "She-- _she_ said? Who said?"

And that was only the start of it. More and more dwarves arrived until her quiet little home was brimming with them and their accompanying noise as they quite emptied her pantry and larder. While they ate, she slipped away to her room to replace her robe and nightgown with a waistcoat and trousers. Not long after, one last dwarf arrived: the most handsome Bilbo had ever seen, with long black hair, a close-trimmed beard, and piercing blue eyes. He removed his cloak and tossed it to the one beardless dwarf as Gandalf made the introductions: "Bilbo Baggins, allow me to introduce the leader of our company: Thorin Oakenshield."

"So, this is the hobbit." Those piercing blue eyes looked Bilbo up and down, his tone dismissive. "Tell me, Mr. Baggins, have you done much fighting?"

"Pardon me?" Bilbo asked, still too unsettled and flustered by the way Thorin was circling her to correct him regarding her gender.

Thorin continued stalking around her. "Axe or sword? What's your weapon of choice?"

"Well, I do have some skill at conkers, if you _must_ know," Bilbo replied, standing as tall as she possibly could when Thorin stood in front of her once again. "But I fail to see why that's relevant."

The dwarf had the gall to look smug. "Thought as much." He glanced briefly back at the beardless dwarf and his golden-haired friend before continuing. "He looks more like a grocer than a burglar."

The dwarves all laughed and directed Thorin into the dining room. Bilbo was left alone in the entryway, aghast and appalled. _A **grocer**? Me? Who does he think he is, calling **me** a grocer?_

It was that indignation as much as the promise of adventure that prompted her to race out her front door the following morning, signed contract in hand. She'd prove Thorin Oakenshield wrong, just as she had the hobbit matrons who'd criticized her all her life.

**Author's Note:**

> I have other thoughts about this, but my brain is too fried to try to string them together at the moment.


End file.
